You Are Sitting on the Couch (The TV Is on or You Could Be Reading a Book But Most Likely You Are Doom-scrolling).

It has become normal to cancel on one another because we are so desperate to avoid even the most minor discomfort. It must cease immediately. You are sitting on the couch (the TV is on or you could be reading a book but most likely you are doom-scrolling).

You know full well that you have plans to meet a dear friend who you’ve been “meaning to catch up with for ages! at the pub down the road in exactly 45 minutes. Maybe this friend has been going through a rough time?

Maybe they’ve got some exciting news about a perfect Hinge date (rare and shocking)? Maybe you’ve simply been “ships in the night” sailing through the capitalist rat race and miss each other’s company. Johanna Cosgrove is an award-winning actor/writer/comedian.

Either way, this hangout is premeditated and has been organised in advance with many exclamations of excitement. However, there is but one tiny problem: you no longer want to go. You vaguely start calculating the hours left in the day – you might want to go to the gym in the morning (despite not having gone in weeks) and work was slightly strenuous today (you had to actually do your job).

You pick up your phone to text them something along the lines of “Massive day today – can we postpone? Maybe the weekend after next? Don’t wanna have a big one on a school night!

None of this is due to any sort of change of heart towards your pal: you simply can’t be bothered. It might even be you right now, reading this article. The swing into prioritising self care over endless hustle has swung too far and now it is completely normal to cancel on one another because we are desperate to avoid even the most minor discomfort, ie going out in public and down the road for a perfect glass of wine.

Using the excuse of “it’s a school night” feels particularly sinister coming from a (usually) millennial or gen Z who hasn’t attended school in over a decade. The self-infantilisation must cease immediately! On a personal note, I’ve spent the last year firmly reacquainting with my personal capability.

I am extremely capable! And actually … we all are. I now lie in bed at night, grinding my molars to nubs, vowing to stop any and all weak behaviours.

Being unable, as a fully functioning adult with the gift of a healthy body and mind, to get up off the couch for no reason other than “cbf” is weak. You will catch me muttering to myself “being uncomfortable is not the same as being unsafe”. Life is precious and living is a verb.

We have become addicted to comfort – we can order anything direct to the door, we “connect” with others through our phones, we are entertained by TikTok and Netflix and endless gaming options. We can live our lives in the hikikomori style – without ever having to engage with another human person. My feed is clogged with videos of skinny people glamorising protecting your peace”, self-dating” and doing expensive morning and evening routines (alone). I’m constantly besieged by muted infographics encouraging me to lean into my soft girl era which really feels like … laziness repackaged.